


No Longer Who I Was

by MargotSails



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Dark Alex, F/F, Implied/Referenced Torture, Not All Doom and Gloom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-10-14
Packaged: 2019-05-08 16:07:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14697654
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MargotSails/pseuds/MargotSails
Summary: Alex disappears into thin air while on a routine mission. After three years and being declared dead, Alex is dropped out of a portal, looking like she’s been put through hell.





	1. Chapter 1

“Do you see anything Supergirl?” Kara heard Alex ask into the comms, right before a loud pop that made her ears ring.

“Alex?”

There’s no response.

That’s how it happened and that’s what plays on a loop in Kara’s brain daily. There had been no clues. Not a single thing to tell them where Alex and the other three agents had disappeared to. In a matter of seconds, they were gone.

Three years, that’s how long Alex has been missing. Officially declared dead after a year. Kara and Maggie had never believed that to be true.

“How is Sarah enjoying her new apartment?” Kara asked around a mouth full of food.

“She loves it. She made me spend an hour yesterday moving her couch back and forth because she couldn’t decide where to put it.”

Kara laughed, “That sounds familiar,” she joked pointing at Lena sitting beside her. Lena just shook her head good-naturedly.

Maggie tensed when Kara tensed and tilted her head in her signature “super hearing” fashion, “I gotta go,” she said to Lena with a kiss on her cheek.

“Be careful,” Lean murmured squeezing her arm.

Not even a minute later Maggie’s phone rang, “Whatever it is, its big,” she told Lena after hanging up.

“Go, go, I’ve got this,” Lena waved her away.

Maggie nodded her mind already on the job ahead. As she stepped out of the restaurant a patrol car screeched to a stop in front of her. She jumped in and I sped away before her door was even shut.

“Details are in short supply,” Sara Jenkinson, Maggie’s partner explained as she weaved through the dense traffic.

“You said something about a portal?” Maggie asked grasping the handle above her head.

“Yeah, we’ve gotten a lot of calls about a portal opening up in the middle of the city.”

Maggie shook her head, it was always something.

“Holy shit,” Sara muttered as they slammed to a stop amongst the chaos.

Some people ran scared as others stood in place either gawking or filming the giant black pulsing portal floating over the park. There were cops and DEO already standing with guns ready. Supergirl and J’onn standing at the front. Sarah and Maggie moved to flank the two superheroes.

“Any idea what it is?” Maggie asked, her eyes trained on the black cloud in front of her.

“I have seen them before,” J’onn answered. “But I have never seen one stay open this long?”

“What usually comes through them?”

As if to answer her question the portal began to pulse harder and a rumbling sound filled the air.

“Sorry I asked,” Sarah mumbled to herself as she raised her gun.

Suddenly with a loud pop two figures fell out of the portal, right before it disappeared. A beast of an alien covered with scales landed gracelessly on its back. While the second, very human looking figure, wearing a mask, like a gas mask, landed with a grunt on their feet. Before the scaly guy can even get back on his feet, the smaller figure has him pinned as they scuffle on the ground.

“I don’t know what to do,” Kara complains. “Which is ones the good guy?” 

The two fighters seemed completely unaware of their audience until the smaller one glanced over. They freeze giving the big guy the opportunity to land a massive blow to the head of his opponent. The small guy is knocked to the ground but gets up quickly. But by now the scaly guy has noticed his audience and takes great interest in Supergirl.

“Don’t do it,” Supergirl warns, as he stalks closer.

“Shoot him!” a muffled voice yell’s from behind him.

Apparently not satisfied with everyone’s reaction, the smaller figure darts to their left, deftly pulling a gun out of a stunned DEO agents hands. Ignoring the shouts to lower the weapon they aim the weapon at the beast’s head and pull the trigger twice, with deadly precision.

The beast staggers, a dazed expression flashing on his face. Then finally falls as another shot land’s in the center of his chest. He’s still breathing, the smaller figure approaches and presses the gun against the beast’s chest, leaning down, seemingly to whisper something to the beast, it pulls the trigger. The beast stills for good.

“Put your hands where we can see them,” Maggie is the first to break out of the spell.

The small figure drops the gun and raises their hands.

“On your knees,” a DEO agent orders, as he moves the gun out of reach.

“He was going to kill you all,” the figure says calmly as it follows the order.

“Take off your mask,” Supergirl finally steps up.

Moving slowly, the figure unclasps the locks on the mask a hissing sound whooshes forth. They remove it equally as slow.

* * *

It seems like slow motion to Kara as she watches the kneeling figure take off their mask. The shock of seeing Alex staring back at her brings her to her knees. She’s pale, deep dark circles under her eyes. There is a large angry looking scar along her left cheek, going from her eyebrow to her jaw. The white of her right eye is filled with blood, a deep cut, still healing is on her cheek below it.

“Alex?” Kara reaches forward, and a deep stabbing pain courses through her as Alex moves back away from her. “I’m sorry,” Kara whispers clasping her hands together to keep from touching her.

The moment is broken as an agent moves to grab Alex’s hand before he can make contact Alex has him on the ground his arm pinned behind his back. It happened so quick, Kara had barely registered her movement.

“You have to let them take you in,” Maggie was now at Kara’s side a hand on her shoulder. “Alex please.”

With a clenched jaw, Alex stands and puts her hands behind her back. Another agent puts the cuffs on Alex, and Kara can do nothing as she watches them lead Alex away from her.

“Kara?” Maggie is standing in front of her now, eyes wide and full of tears.

“She’s…,” Kara swallows her sob. “She’s back.”

* * *

Maggie watches as Kara paces back and forth, she’s been doing it for the past two hours and it's exhausting to watch. They hadn’t been able to see Alex since she was brought to the DEO, the “higher ups” keeping everyone away. Maggie, Kara, Winn, and Sarah had all been waiting impatiently in one of the empty conference rooms.

Maggie had asked Sarah to stay with her, she had all the same DEO clearance that Maggie had, having helped save Supergirl numerous times. They had been partners for a year and a half, Sarah was a last-ditch effort to keep Maggie in line during a rough patch after she had lost Alex.

Sarah had helped her through and had slowly become a member of the family. Maggie knew it was that Sarah reminded her so much of Alex that they got along so well. She had told Sarah all about Alex over several nights of drunken bonding. So, it was a relief to have her sitting beside her holding her hand.

“Kara?” Everyone turned as Lena swept into the room, rushing to take Kara into her arms.

“It was Alex, she…she’s alive,” Kara spoke into Lena’s neck. “We can’t see her yet. It's torture.”

“J’onn called me. What do you need me to do?” Lena asked, rubbing a soft hand down Kara’s cheek.

“Just be here. That’s all I need,” Kara hugged her again.

Maggie looked away from the intimate moment. Lena and Kara becoming a couple had been a shock to everyone, but it also felt right somehow. It was very apparent how happy they made each other anytime they were together. Maggie was a little jealous of their bond. It reminded her of what she and Alex used to have.

Pulling away from Kara, Lena surprised Maggie by pulling her into a hug, “Are you OK?”

Fresh tears fell down her cheeks, but Maggie managed a nod, “Overwhelmed,” it was an understatement.

Lena nodded with a smile.

It was nearly another hour later that the door slowly opened and J’onn stepped in, looking tired and sad.

“Can we see her?” Kara is the first to react.

J’onn sighs, “She’s being quarantined in a cell.”

“Quarantined?” Panic squeezed Maggie’s heart.

“The Lardack, the alien that she was fighting had been infected. She doesn’t know what it is, but where she came from it takes over and you go into a fit of rage and can’t be stopped unless your dead. They were both injected with something.”

“But she isn’t showing symptoms?” Lena questions.

“No, she said they had never injected a human while she was there. She doesn’t know how or if she’ll be infected.”

“Where was she?” Sarah joins.

“She says doesn’t know. She isn’t being particularly cooperative.”

“Can we see her?” Kara asks again.

“Yes, I just. She’s different,” J’onn warns. “This isn’t the Alex we’re used to.

* * *

Kara, Maggie, Lena, Sarah, Winn and J’onn all make their way to the cell. It’s a large cell with a bench and a toilet and not much else. Alex is calmly sitting on the bench her legs crossed and her back against the wall. She doesn’t show any reaction to them showing up, just simply watches them as they moved toward the cell.

Kara walks up to the glass, putting her hand against it, “I’m sorry you’re being kept in here.”

“It's for the best. I’m infected, and I don’t know how it will affect me.” Alex shrugged looking around the cell, “This is the Ritz compared to where I was before.”

“We’re bringing you a change of clothes and some essentials,” J’onn said from his place beside Kara.

Alex gave a small nod.

Maggie gasped when Alex’s attention turns to her. There was an intensity to the stare that hadn’t been there before. Maggie felt like she was being studied under a microscope. She actually breathed a sigh of relief when Alex’s attention moved slightly behind her, to where Sara was standing with a comforting hand on Maggie’s back.

“Do I know you?” Alex directed her question to Sarah.

“I’m detective Jenkinson. Um, Sarah, I’m Maggie’s partner,” Sarah, stumbled over her words. Maggie didn’t blame her. Alex was a little intimidating with her dark look.

They were interrupted when an agent walked in carrying several bags, “Would you all stand back please?” When no one moved she sighed, “I’m just trying to follow protocol.”

When the group finally moved away from the glass, she opened the cell and handed Alex the bags, “There’s food in this one.”

“Thanks, Jade,” Alex said quietly, taking the bags.

The agent smiled and left without another word.

The group all shuffled back up to the glass. Alex dug into the food bag with abandon. Maggie tried to keep the tears at bay as Alex ate like it had been months since she’s eaten. And by the looks of her, it probably wasn’t far from the truth. Kara had to turn her back burying her face in Lena’s shoulder.

Maggie met Alex’s eyes, there was none of the familiar light there. There was just darkness. These were the eyes of a broken woman.

After finishing her meal, Alex dug through the other bags, ignoring her audience she turned her back and pulled off her shirt, “Oh my God,” Maggie couldn’t hold it back. Alex’s back was covered in a crosshatch of scars, from the tops of her shoulders disappearing into her pants.

Kara grabbed her hand and they shared a look.

After pulling on her shirt Alex turned back around, her face still an emotionless mask, “Don’t pity me.”

Maggie flinched at the words.

“We don’t pity you Alex. We hurt for you,” Kara’s words were harsh with tears.

Alex seemed to soften slightly, but then she and Kara tensed at the same time, “Do you hear that Kara?”

Kara nodded, “Barely.”

Alex nodded and stepped closer to the glass slight fear in her gaze, “Listen, they are going to come for me,” she held up her hand when Kara and J’onn started to interrupt her. “Please, you have to let them take me. They will kill everyone. J’onn, Kara you are no match for them. Let them take me.”

The ground started to slightly tremble.

“They won’t kill me. They need me,” she put her hand against the glass. “I know how to get out now. I know what I need to do. I’ll come out in the same place we did today.”

The ground shook harder, knocking down everyone but J’onn and Kara.

Alex kept her feet, “Please, do not fight them,” Alex finished just as the room was filled with figures dressed very much like Alex had been. All armed with large black swords. Maggie could tell they weren’t human.

Alex spoke to the one who had appeared in the cell with her in some alien tongue. The alien responded, its voice loud, harsh and menacing. It gripped Alex’s arm with its giant hand, Alex looked at them, “I’ll be back.”

Then all the figures were gone in a blink. Along with Alex.

“What the hell was that?” Maggie shouted as she stood.

“I’ve never seen anything like that before,” J’onn answered.

“I just…I let them take her,” Kara said quietly, putting her hand against where Alex’s had been minutes before.

“We have to trust that she knew what she was talking about. We’ll have eyes on the park 24/7. We have to trust that she’ll be back.”

Maggie nodded. But she was breaking inside.


	2. Chapter 2

Maggie jumped at the knock on her car window, “Jesus,” she held a hand to her heart. She must have dozed off.

“Sorry,” Kara said sheepishly as she slid into the passenger seat. “I didn’t mean to scare you,” she handed Maggie one of the coffees from the tray in her hand.

“Thanks,” Maggie sighed happily as she took a drink of the fresh coffee.

“You really need to sleep,” Kara pointed out as she handed Maggie a donut.

Not usually one to eat junk, lately Maggie hadn’t been very conscious of what she put in her body, simply eating for energy. But she couldn’t deny that the donut was amazing, “I was literally just asleep.”

Kara rolled her eyes, “I mean really sleep, in a bed.”

“I slept in a bed,” she paused trying to think. “Uh, a couple of nights ago.”

Kara rolled her eyes, “Sure.”

They ate in silence until Kara finally spoke up, “I know you and Sarah have been trading shifts. We have DEO agents here you know. I fly by every chance I get.”

“I know. I just…I just feel better if I’m here,” Maggie admitted.

“I get it. I try so hard to focus and do my job, but my mind is just on Alex. I shouldn’t have listened to her. I should have fought.”

“She knew what she was talking about. You did the right thing,” Maggie meant what she said.

“I just…,” Kara was cut off, by the ground trembling.

They both quickly jumped out of the car and raced to where the portal had opened before. Four DEO agents were already standing nearby, guns ready. It didn’t take long for the portal to form and took only a second for Alex to pop out. She landed with a thud on her back, groaning as she rolled over onto her front pushing herself to her knees.

“Alex,” Maggie kneeled in front of her, as Kara took a place beside her.

Alex was covered in blood, the scrub shirt she had been given by the DEO a week ago covered in it, as well as her face and hands. It was only then that Maggie noticed she was clutching her stomach, “Alex, are you hurt?”

Alex answers with a grunt, “Stabbed.”

“Can I fly you to the DEO?” Kara asks. “Please,” she pleads when Alex doesn’t answer right away.

Alex finally nods, and Kara scoops her up immediately, “I’ve got her,” the assures Maggie.

Maggie nods, “I’ll be there as fast as I can.”

* * *

Twenty minutes later Maggie finds Kara standing outside the DEO med bay, looking in worriedly as they work on Alex.

“She lost consciousness before we got here,” Kara shared as Maggie stopped beside her. “She’s lost a lot of blood.”

It’s a tense five minutes before one of the doctors comes out.

“She’s going to have a bit of a recovery, but she’s lucky and the knife missed everything important. We have her on some fluids because she’s extremely dehydrated, but she refused anything for the pain. You can go in.”

Alex’s eyes opened as soon as they entered the room, instantly alert. There was no smile upon seeing them. She just observed, much like she had done from her cell, before she was taken.

“How long was I gone?” she finally asked, after a long silence.

“A week,” Maggie answered. “Are they still after you?”

Alex shook her head, “No, I broke the connection. I’m free.”

“What connection? Who were they?” Kara asked. “You can’t just show up and then get taken again and not tell us anything,” she laid a hand on Alex’s arm.

Alex acted immediately grabbing Kara by the wrist and throwing her hand off her arm, “I don’t have to tell you anything,” she moved to sit up, grimacing only slightly.

“That’s where you’re wrong,” a voice interrupted them. General Brosseau, had been put over the DEO two years ago, after an attack on the city had put to question the DEO’s abilities. He and a small team of military types oversaw all the DEO’s doing. “Aw the infamous Alex Danvers, I’ve heard so many stories about you.”

“And you are?” Alex asked as she stood from the bed, all signs of any pain she had previously been in gone. Maggie knew that she was in fight mode.

“General Brosseau, I am here to make sure you aren’t a threat to the DEO. So, you will answer some questions, starting with, where are the other agents who disappeared with you,” the General snarled.

“Brosseau?” Alex tilted her head, thinking. “Your son was one of the ones who got taken with me. Right?” Alex asked.

Brosseau seemed surprised, “How…?”

“Mason talked about his dad being some big name General. That you never bothered to meet him, but he knew you were his dad. He thought it made him a badass that his dad was a General,” Alex’s voice was filled with disgust. “Mason got the other two agents killed because he thought he could make a deal with our captors. He wasn’t smart enough to see that he was being played. He was a joke,” Alex shakes her head.

Brosseau is fuming, he takes a threatening step forward, Alex takes a step forward as well, taunting him, “They threw us in a pit and made us fight. He barely lasted a minute before I killed him.”

Brosseau lunged, getting a good punch in, that Maggie was sure only happened because Alex let it. Alex returned her own brutal strike before Kara was able to push him away from a smirking Alex, “I won’t be answering to you,” Alex turned her back.

Brosseau was still fighting uselessly against Kara’s hold, “I’ll destroy you, you bitch.”

Alex calmly hopped back up on the bed, not bothering to wipe her mouth of the blood the punch had caused. The dark look was back, Maggie shivered.

Everyone finally left the room, leaving only Maggie and Alex, it comforted Maggie slightly to see Alex, deflate some, losing her battle-ready tenseness. Maggie grabbed a towel and handed it to Alex to wipe away the blood.

“How are you?” Alex asked into the silence.

“I don’t know how to answer that right now,” Maggie answered honestly.

Alex nodded, “Before, I almost thought it was all a dream. I was confused. I also knew that I was about to be taken away either way. Now, it feels real. I don’t know how to handle it.”

“I don’t think any of us do,” Maggie shrugged.

“I’m tired. I think I’ll try to sleep,” Alex laid back on the bed with a sigh.

“I’ll be here when you wake up,” Maggie assured. Alex was asleep almost instantly, but there was an unnatural tenseness about her that told Maggie she was waiting for something. Alert even as she slept. Maggie shuddered to think about what that could be.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the "info dump" toward the end of this chapter. I had to get it set up to switch to Alex's point of view next chapter. It's not my preferred way of writing but I am happy with what I ended up with. I hope you enjoy.

**Two Weeks Later**

“She’s shut down,” Kara said with a sigh as she dropped into the chair beside Maggie’s own. “Not that I blame her, they're treating her like a criminal.”

“I know, she’s only been out of her cell twice since she was put in there.”

After Alex’s altercation with Brosseau, they had brought in the big guns, putting her in a cell and questioning her for hours at a time. Nobody would tell Kara or herself what was being said, but from the video feed, that J’onn had insisted on, it wasn’t going the way they had hoped.

“They think she is hiding something,” J’onn offered. “She’s saying she doesn’t remember. I’m not sure if she just doesn’t want to talk about it. Or if she’s hiding something.”

Maggie looked at J’onn, “You still can’t read her mind?”

“No,” he said with a sigh.

“Why can’t they just let her go home?” Kara said with a huff. “Make her sign something saying she’ll come back, or whatever. But just let her go home.”

J’onn sighed, “I’m trying my hardest to get them to agree to that.”

Kara reached over and squeezed J’onn’s arm, “I know. I’m just frustrated. She’s here, but she is still so far away. You know what I mean?” she directed her question to Maggie.

Maggie nodded. They had only been allowed very minimal contact with Alex. And with each brief visit Alex had become more and more shut off. Not that she was being particularly forthcoming or friendly before. But Maggie knew that if they didn’t get Alex out of that cell and into the “real world” they were going to have a problem.

“I have another meeting now. I will try to get them to agree to let her go,” J’onn stood. “I’m not going to make any promises.”

Once J’onn was out of the room, Kara turned her attention to Maggie, “How are you holding up? You look like crap,” Kara said with a small smile.

Maggie chuckled, “Well I feel like I look. I can’t sleep knowing that she’s here, and I can’t…,” she stopped with a sigh. Alex hadn’t wanted to be touched since she got back. Literally keeping everyone at arm’s length. Maggie tried not to think about why she wouldn’t want to be touched, but she had seen the scars all over Alex’s body. It was hard to be kept at a distance when all she wanted to do was grab a hold of Alex and never let go.

* * *

“How is Alex?” Sarah asked later that day.

She had just picked Maggie up from the DEO, “Not great. They’re keeping her at the DEO. She’s shut down, and I don’t know how much longer she’s going to take it before she snaps.”

“Did you get to see her today?”

“No,” Maggie sighed, feeling tears welling in her eyes.

Sarah reached over and took Maggie’s hand, “I’m sorry. I wish there was something I could do.”

Maggie squeezed her hand in gratitude, “Tell me more about Jonathan, have you two done the dirty yet.”

Sarah, laughed, “How dare you ask me that question, I am a lady.”

Maggie snorted, “So you have. How was it?”

After a long pause of Sarah just staring off into the distance, Maggie shook her head, “That good huh?”

Sara sighed dreamily flashing a smile, “So good.”

Maggie’s phone rang pausing their conversation, “Hey Kara.”

“They’re letting Alex go home this evening.”

“Really?” Maggie was happy but surprised.

“Yeah, I think it would be best if she went to your apartment. I don’t really want to spring the fact that not only are Lena and I dating but we’re living together.”

Maggie chuckled, “You know she’s going to be fine with it. But I agree that it’s probably best she comes home with me. She’ll be more comfortable in her own apartment,” as Maggie talked the mess the apartment was in flashed through her mind.

“I’ll bring her by when they release her.”

“That sounds good, text me when you’re on your way,” Maggie hung up and turned to Sarah with a big smile, “Alex is coming home. Oh man, the apartment is a mess though.” She glanced at the clock, she still had 3 more hours on her shift.

“I’ll drop you off and cover for you, its been a slow day,” Sarah offered.

“Are you sure?”

“Of course,” Sarah smiled. “Alex is coming home, this is what you’ve been wanting for weeks now.”

* * *

Once home, Maggie rushed around picking up discarded clothes and dishes and cleaning every surface. The apartment had become simply a place to sleep, over the last couple of years, even some nights she had chosen a cot at the precinct over her own bed. Too many memories. She ran to the grocery store as well stocking up on everything Alex liked, picturing Alex’s wraith-like figure.

All of Alex’s belongings were still there, she couldn’t ever bring herself to touch anything. In her mind getting rid of her things meant that she was giving up on Alex and she hadn’t been willing to do that.

A couple hours later the place looked better than it had in years and smelled like Alex’s favorite candle. Kara had texted 10 minutes ago that they were on their way, and Maggie was restless. She would sit on the couch, but then only seconds later hop back up and begin pacing.

She was pacing when the door opened. Her stomach flipped when Alex walked in. Her expression was dark but lightened slightly as she took in everything. She walked further into the room brushing her hand along the back of the couch. Maggie and Kara both stood back and watched her walk the room.

“Lena is bringing by some dinner, I hope that’s OK,” Kara eventually broke the silence.

“Of course, it is,” Maggie answered. Knowing that Kara didn’t want to leave Alex.

Forty-five minutes later, Lena had joined them, and they were sitting at the table, the occasional sound of a fork on a plate the only sound in the room. Alex was eating with enthusiasm and Kara, picked at her food occasionally stealing a sad look in Alex’s direction.

“So how long has this been going on?” Alex asked around her mouth full of food, gesturing between Lena and Kara with her fork.

Kara tensed, and Lena found her food very interesting suddenly.

“What do you mean?” Kara asked, sounding guilty of all things.

“How long have you two been together?” Alex asked with a raised brow.

“Uh,” was Kara’s only response. Lena was still staring at her plate.

“I know what you look like when you’re in love Kara.”

Kara relaxed slightly, “You aren’t upset?”

“Why would I be upset?” Alex seemed genuinely confused.

“I told you,” Maggie chuckled into her drink.

Maggie watched Alex as Kara told her about how she and Lena had figured out their feelings for each other. She could see a sadness in Alex’s eyes. But there was a slight smile on her face.

“I wish I had been here to see that awkwardness,” Alex smiled.

“Kara was adorable,” Maggie laughed. “All blushing at the very mention of Lena’s name. For a while there it was like being in middle school again.”

“I can imagine,” Alex was still smiling. “I’m happy for the both of you.” She turned her focus to Lena, “You know if you hurt her I will kill you,” her smile was gone, and no one in the room had to guess if she was serious.

Alex turned her attention to Maggie, “Are you with anyone?”

Maggie shook her head, “No.”

A nod was Alex’s only reaction, as she went back to eating her dinner with gusto.

The rest of the night was spent with Kara, Maggie, and Lena all telling stories of things that had happened while Alex was gone. Alex was mostly silent but seemed content to be home.

Once Lena and Kara left Maggie felt a little uncomfortable, “I’m going to bed if that’s OK,” Maggie announced at 1 am. “I have to go to work in the morning.”

Alex nodded, she had been standing at the balcony door looking out, “I’m not tired, is it OK if I use your laptop?”

“Of course, you can do whatever you want. What’s mine is yours.”

Alex smiled, the small smile that Maggie was starting to love, “Thank you.”

Maggie got into bed and got comfortable but left the lights on.

“You can turn off the lights,” Alex said from her spot at the dining table. “I know you can’t sleep with lights.”

“I’m fine,” Maggie hedged, even though she knew she wouldn’t sleep well with them on.

“It’s OK Maggie. I’m used to the dark.”

“If you’re sure?” Maggie checked.

“Yes.”

Maggie fell asleep to the sound of Alex typing vigorously.

What seemed like only a short time later, Maggie groaned as her alarm chirped merrily from her nightstand. She sat up expecting to see Alex asleep on the couch, but the couch was empty except for the laptop and several sheets of paper, with several empty water bottles on the coffee table. It was only then that she heard the shower running and relaxed.

With a sigh, she stood and stretched, wincing when her back popped. Coffee. She needed coffee. She glanced at the couch and came up short when she noticed one of the sheets of paper was filled with some sort of alien writing.

“I’ll clean it up.”

Maggie yelped as Alex spoke from right behind her. She hadn’t heard her approach at all, “I’m not worried about it,” she decided to wait and see if Alex mentioned the alien writing. She continued to the kitchen and started making her coffee.

She leaned against the counter as she watched Alex clean up, “Want me to make you something to eat before I leave?”

Alex perked up, “Pancakes?”

Maggie chuckled. That had always been a favorite of Alex’s, “I think I can handle that. Sarah comes up for breakfast, but I can tell her not to today.”

“She’s important to you, isn’t she?”

Maggie tried to read the expression on Alex’s face but couldn’t, “She is. We’ve been through a lot.”

Alex nodded, “She should come,” was all she said.

Maggie took a quick shower before starting to cook, and when she walked back into the room Alex was back to working on the computer. Maggie stood watching in fascination as Alex scribbled quickly in the alien script. She was startled into action by Alex looking up with a questioning expression.

Maggie was plating the last of the pancakes when the door opened. Alex jumped up into a defensive position.

Sarah raised her hands, “I am so sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

Alex relaxed, “Its fine,” she said but Maggie could see the slight shake to her hand as she gathered the papers around her.

When Sarah looked in Maggie’s direction she mouthed an apology.

“Are you ready to eat?” Maggie tried to calm Alex.

Alex smiled.

They ate in relative silence. Maggie and Sarah talking about their day to come.

“Do you have to go back to the DEO?” Maggie asked Alex.

“Not today,” she answered around a mouth full of pancake.

“What are you going to do all day?” Maggie tried to sound casual but something about the thought of Alex alone made her nervous.

Alex shrugged, “I have no idea. It’s kind of nice to not have anything I need to do.”

“Would you mind if I came home and had lunch with you?” Maggie’s heart fluttered when Alex smiled.

“That would be nice.”

* * *

Saying bye to Alex had been hard. She wanted nothing more than to take time off and spend all her time with Alex. But knew Alex wouldn’t ever allow that. She would just see it as babysitting.

“How are you holding up?” Sarah asked from the driver’s seat.

“I don’t know. We haven’t really talked.”

“The fact that she’s staying with you has to be good, right?”

“I don’t know. I need to talk to her about where we stand, but I’m being a coward.”

“She’s a hard one to read,” Sarah said with a laugh at the understatement. “But I’d bet all my money she’s still just as in love with you as before.”

Maggie sighed, “God I hope so.”

As they parked Supergirl landed in spectacular fashion right beside them. Maggie knew Kara did it because it annoyed her.

“How did it go?” Kara asked without preamble.

“It was fine. I don’t think she slept. She spent all night on my laptop.”

Kara frowned, “What in the world would she be doing?”

Maggie shrugged, “Beats me. She was writing in some alien language. She saw me looking at it but didn’t acknowledge it.”

Kara sighed and rubbed her forehead, “I wish she would just talk to us.”

Maggie squeezed her arm, “We need to give her time. I’m meeting her for lunch, you should come.”

Kara smiled, “Thank you, I would like that.”

Hours later Maggie and Kara met outside Maggie’s building, “Lena is on her way. I hope that’s OK.”

“Of course, it is.”

They waited a couple minutes until Lena walked up and kissed them both.

“I hope you don’t mind my tagging along. I just haven’t been able to see Kara much lately,” Lena defended herself.

“You are always welcome,” Maggie squeezed her arm. Still surprised by Lena’s insecurity.

Maggie had been looking forward to lunch all day, just wanting to see Alex again.

When Maggie opened the door, she was surprised to find that Alex wasn’t alone. She was sitting at the table with a gorgeous blue alien. And there was an adorable blue alien child sitting on the couch watching cartoons.

The adult alien had jumped to her feet, immediately in fight mode but calmed down when Alex placed a hand on her arm and spoke in an alien language. Maggie turned to Kara who looked just as confused as Maggie.

While ignoring them Alex continued to talk to the alien while she helped gather her stuff. Alex kept herself between the alien and Maggie and the others as she walked her to the door.

After her guest left Alex turned to them, “What’s for lunch?”

“Alex,” Kara’s voice was filled with exasperation. “Who was that? Since, when do you speak another language?”

“I speak several actually. But I can’t tell you about it yet,” Alex said calmly.

“You can’t tell us, or you won’t,” anger had edged its way into Kara’s tone. Lena stepped closer to her and placed a comforting hand on Kara’s arm.

“You’re going to have to trust me.”

“How can I trust you when I don’t know you anymore. And you’re so obviously hiding something.”

Maggie understood Kara’s frustration but knew to go after Alex was a bad idea.

“I am hiding something. And I will continue to hide it until I’m ready to tell you,” Alex seemed calm, but there was an edge to her voice. “Now are we going to have lunch or are you going to bitch at me the whole time?”

Kara’s eyes widened at Alex’s words, but she only sighed, “I vote pizza.”

Alex gave her signature small smile and the tension in the room disappeared, “That sounds amazing.”

* * *

“I haven’t even looked,” Maggie moved to the kitchen where they used to leave notes for each other and sighed when she saw a piece of paper stuck to the fridge. But frowned when all it said was BACK SOON. She held it up for Kara to read.

“Of course,” Kara muttered under her breath, as she slumped dejectedly onto the couch, her head falling to the back, “She’s so distant,” Kara complained. “Its like she’s still gone.”

Maggie plopped down onto the couch beside her with a sigh, “I know.”

“I want to hug her and hold her. We used to always hug,” Kara sniffled.

“Me too,” Maggie rubbed a tired hand over her face. “I don’t even know if she wants to be with me. We haven’t really talked about it.”

“She loves you, Maggie. I don’t think she would stay here if she didn’t want to be with you.”

Maggie nodded. That was the only thing giving her hope.

The door slammed open before anything else could be said. Alex walked in looking a little worse for wear. She was wearing some of Maggie’s workout gear, the wiry muscles in her arms and legs on full display. Sweat was pouring off her and she had a nasty cut dripping blood on her right leg.

“Are you OK?” Kara asked as she and Maggie both jumped up from the couch.

“Yes, I’m fine,” Alex said looking anything but. She pulled something out of her pocket and placed it on the table.

“Where were you?” Maggie asked as she did a visual inspection for other injuries.

“I was getting that,” she pointed to the object on the table.

Kara tried to pick it up, but her hand phased through it, like she was a ghost, “What the hell?” she exclaimed in shock.

“You have to be of Chlisino blood to touch it,” Alex explained as she grabbed a water from the fridge.

“Then how can you touch it?” Maggie asked as she had a go at trying to pick the object up.

“I’m bonded to one.”

“Bonded?” Maggie nearly shouted. “Like married?”

“No. It's so much more than that. If you can wait until I shower. I will explain more. I want to get this cleaned up,” she gestured to her leg.

After the longest fifteen minutes, they were sitting around the dining table. Kara and Maggie on one side and Alex across from them.

“For starters, I need to tell you the reason I couldn’t tell you anything before is, you aren’t supposed to talk about a Chlisino bond without permission from the family you’re bonded with.”

Maggie had so many questions but decided to wait. Kara had apparently decided the same because after opening her mouth to talk, she remained silent as well.

“The portal that sent me away, isn’t actually a portal. It's an anomaly that has been around, basically since the creation of Earth. It acts as a gateway to an unfathomable number of planets, galaxies, even a few other dimensions.”

“Why do we not know about this?” Kara interrupted. “Shouldn’t the government, or the DEO know this?”

“The Chlisino have taken on the responsibility of keeping the secret of the anomaly. They call it Uxa, other planets have figured out different ways to use the anomaly for random nefarious reasons. I was lucky to land on one who used to trap slaves for their experiments,” she paused as her face darkened. Maggie shivered at the expression.

“I wasn’t captured right away,” she continued finally. “It was always dark. I didn’t even have a way to tell the days apart. They hunted me like I was some animal. I guess to them I was,” she shook her head and dismissed the thought with a wave of her hand. “Anyway, not long after I was brought into the compound I was in the arena.”

“The arena?” Maggie asked.

“They made us fight,” Alex answered. “They would make bets. It was entertainment to them.”

Maggie sucked in a breath trying to banish the images of Alex fighting for her life at the whim of some alien bastard.

Alex continued her story calmly, “There was twenty of us already fighting when a tiny little blue child was tossed in there with us. He was calm despite the absolute terror on his face. I saw him at the same time as a giant beast of a guy. He headed straight for the kid but thankfully I got there first. I was able to take out all the others.”

“All twenty?”

Maggie cringed at the trace of judgment that tinged Kara’s voice. Alex continued as if she hadn’t noticed.

“You had three choices. Fight. Or be killed or be whipped. So that was the first time I got whipped. Because I refused to kill the kid. I don’t know why they didn’t just kill us both,” she shook her head. “When I got back to the bunks I was carrying the little guy and as soon as I entered the room I was attacked by an adult version of the child. He had me pinned against the wall by my neck. Thankfully the kid was able to stop him from doing too much damage.”

Alex paused and rubbed a hand over her face, “I’m talking too much. Api and Iat both bonded to me. It’s very rare to be bonded with two,” she shrugged. “We kept each other safe. Api saved my life more times than I can count. They’re both still there and that’s why I have to go back.”

The words were like a slap to the face, “You can’t go back,” Maggie was the first to say it.

“I am going back. That’s what this is for,” she held up the device.

“But we just got you back,” Kara argued. Her fists were clenched on the table.

“This time will be different. I’ll be armed.”

Maggie held up a hand, “What if they're already dead? You’ll be risking your life for nothing.”

“If they were dead, I would know.”

Maggie started to speak again but was interrupted by Alex.

“I’m going to do it. That’s all there is to it.”

“I’ll go with you,” Kara offered.

“You can’t. But I’ll need you both at the entrance in case something tries to follow me back.”

They spent the next hour and a half planning, getting J’onn and a few other agents involved. J’onn had agreed to supply a secure location and weapons. It would all happen the next day.

Later that night when it was just Alex and Maggie in the apartment Maggie was standing at the bathroom sink. She jumped slightly when she straightened from spitting in the sink to see Alex in the mirror. She hadn’t heard her approach.

“When all this is over. I am going to start working on getting us back on track. If that’s even what you want,” Alex’s voice was soft.

Maggie turned, “That’s all I want.”

Maggie froze as Alex stepped closer. She held her breath as Alex’s hand reached forward. Her eyes closed when she felt Alex’s fingers lightly graze her chest. It was only then that she realized that Alex was holding the engagement ring she wore on a chain around her neck.  
  
“It’s always with me,” Maggie’s voice comes out a whisper.  
  
It’s only because of their standing so close that Maggie can see the corner of Alex’s mouth quirk up into a half smile. And then she steps away and Maggie has to bite down on a whine of disappointment. But Alex has only bent down. She straightens and holds out her hand palm up. There laying in the center of her palm is Alex’s own engagement ring.   
  
A sob rips its way out of Maggie’s chest.   
  
“It kept me going to think about you. Somehow, I knew you wouldn’t forget me.”  
  
“I slept with other women,” Maggie blurted out, guilt and nerves getting the best of her. “I’m so sorry. It didn’t mean anything,” She expects anger, but only sees mild amusement on Alex’s face.  
  
“You thought I was dead Maggie. I expected you to move on. It’s OK.”

The words did little to assuage her guilt.

“We’ll get back to where we were,” Alex said with a nod before she walked away.

Maggie smiled, feeling real hope for the first time in a while.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Italicized words are memories/flashbacks.

_The tube stretched her throat open. She fought to breathe through her nose. The mask on her face disorienting her. A hot liquid hit her throat and she had no choice but to swallow. She thrashed as the hot liquid burned her esophagus. She could feel its warmth spreading through her entire body. The pain and the burn getting deeper until finally there was darkness._

Alex tried not to fidget under the weight of her tactical vest. Something that used to bring her comfort and confidence now felt heavy and claustrophobic. That didn’t mean she wasn’t happy to have it. Anything to give her a bit of an edge was welcome.

Kara, Maggie, Winn, and J’onn were standing in a circle of agents for the debriefing. Alex stood off to the side barely listening as she took in her family. It still didn’t feel real to have them back. She had been putting on a tough front, but she was struggling with being back. She felt like an intruder into the life she used to have. A life she wasn’t sure she deserved now. As much as she wanted to go back to the way things had been before, she knew that wasn’t possible. But sometimes when her mind was calm she had hope, she could be happy again. That just maybe she could feel human again. Feel normal. Feel anything.

“How does it feel to have that on again?” J’onn’s question brought her out of her thoughts.

“It feels different,” she admitted.

“It looks good on you,” he said with a small smile. Then he turned serious, “We’re all set. Whenever you’re ready.”

Alex nodded. The small device in her hand suddenly feeling heavier.

Kara and Maggie walked up, both wearing worried expressions. Alex hated what she was doing to them, but knew it was what she had to do.

“I’ll be back as quick as I can. I know what I have to do,” she said aloud.

“I should be going with you,” Kara was practically pouting.

“Not this time,” Alex hadn’t told the complete truth and Kara most likely wouldn’t have had any problems going through the portal once it opened. But Alex would do anything to protect her from the Hell that waited on the other side.

Alex met gazes with Maggie’s whose eyes were dark and hurting.

“It’s time.”

* * *

_The whip bites into her flesh and she swallows against the scream wanting to burst free. She will scream eventually, she knows. But she’ll make them work for it. She doesn’t know what the whip is made of, but it burns and grips her flesh before being pulled away. Her face is uncovered, and she can see the faces of her fellow prisoners as they watch on, knowing they are next._

It takes her eyes a while to adjust, no longer used to the near constant darkness this planet offers. The device had opened the anomaly in a different place than she had popped through before. But after a while, she was able to orient herself.

There is no way for her to tell how long it takes her. She chose not to wear a watch concentrating on the time would just be an unnecessary distraction. She can eventually see the dim phosphorus lighting of the compound in the distance. The dull blue lighting of the compound was only marginally better than the darkness. She didn’t know much about her captures, but the light was used for more than just sight.

There were guards spread throughout the compound. Savage warriors who never hesitated in taking a life. They were large and strong and had no need for weapons, which is what Alex hoped to use to her advantage.

Her rifle was equipped with a silencer. She hoped that would give her a much-needed advantage. And as she got closer to the compound she knew she would soon find out.

_Her feet sink into the blood-sodden ground beneath her. The cries of pain and the shouts of rage crowd her brain. Adrenaline is the only thing keeping her fighting as she works her way across the arena to where Api is struggling against a giant twice his size. She can feel his fear and his pain on top of her own. She takes down three others before she finally makes it to Api, who is on his back but still fighting. She runs with what little energy she has left using her full weight to knock the beast to the ground. They will be punished for working together but it’s a punishment they are willing to take to keep each other and Iat alive._

Alex is finally in the compound. It consists of several buildings and leather tents, a mixture of tech and primitive. As a prisoner, one of Alex’s many duties had been getting the skin of some giant boar type creature ready to dry. It had been the least labor intensive of the prisoner’s jobs.

The compound is quiet. Meaning the prisoners are most likely in their chambers. There are three prisoner chambers. There was no rhyme or reason to where you were thrown, so she had no way of knowing which one Api and Iat would be until she got closer.

The sound of approaching footsteps freezes her in place. She raises her gun and doesn’t hesitate in firing as soon as she has her shot. The large caliber bullet does the job and the guard drops instantly. The silencer also does its job, as the alarms stay blessedly silent. She grabs the guard's key card and doesn’t waste any times as she moves forward.

She only has a general idea of where she is and where she needs to be going. Most of her time here she had been wearing a mask barely able to make out anything around her.

She didn’t make it much further before she once again heard footsteps. The steps aren’t hurried so she knows she still has the advantage. They don’t know she’s there. She raised her gun only slightly slowing her steps. As soon as the guard is within sight she takes him out.

She continues having no reason to stop this time. She encountered two more guards in quick succession and she was running out of time. She finally finds the familiar chamber doors. Large red doors.

_She grunts when her heard bounces off the wall as she’s slammed roughly against it. She doesn’t bother to fight against the heavy hand pushing against her chest making it hard for her to breathe. She’s just come from the labs where whatever they had forced down her throat had made her weak and confused. She can hear others passing by but can’t really make them out through the mask. She feels the hand against her chest tense just before the hissing growls reach her ears. Some poor soul didn’t make it through this time. It was infected. No longer itself, a sure death warrant. Alex felt a flash of jealousy._

She centers herself trying to connect with Iat and Api. She wouldn’t be able to communicate with them, but it didn’t take long for her to pick up on them. They were calm, most likely sleeping. She felt a shift in the connection knowing that meant they could feel her too. They knew she was there.

She jumped slightly at the sound of a thump coming from the chamber closest to her. Before she has a chance to swipe the keycard she hears shuffling, and hissing growls behind her. An infected. They know she’s here. The infected is meant for her.

She turns just in time to see it clamber around the corner. This one is much further gone than others she had seen. It looked right at her, but its eyes were empty. No one home but still the desire to kill.

She can tell when it finally gets her scent. It perks up and gains speed. It never takes just one shot to kill the infected. Alex braces herself and fires three shots in quick succession. It slows and stumbles several more steps. Alex fires two more and it finally drops. She can hear running feet and turns quickly, unlocking the door and jumping inside.

Api and Iat stood just inside the door, flanked by a few other prisoners who had obviously picked up on something happening.

“We need to hurry,” she said, the Chlisino language rolling off her tongue nearly easier than her own. She had no time for pleasantries but could feel the relief from both Iat and Api.

She hadn’t planned to include any others in her rescue mission. But the sight of the almost hopeful expression on the other prisoners faces she knew she couldn’t leave them.

“I have a way to get us off the planet,” she spoke in Uttic, a common language amongst the stars. “We’re going to have to fight through. I’m going to open the other chambers. Just stay together and help each other.”

She could feel Api and Iat. They were loaded with apprehension but underneath that Alex could feel their hope and that’s what she held onto as she turned to open the door.

It was mass chaos as soon as she opened the chamber door. Dozens of guards waiting for them attacked. Alex used her gun to make her way through as many as possible, she made it to the next chamber door and opened it, shouting in Uttic for them to fight. There’s no hesitation as the prisoners who were able joined the fray.

It took her longer to get to the third chamber. It wasn’t as safe to use her gun in such close courters. She used her knife to her advantage as she made her way to the final chamber door. Swinging it open with more shouted instructions and even more prisoners joining in the fight.

She kept Api and Iat in her sights and the large group of prisoners followed behind her all fighting the guards for all they were worth. She tried not to think of the prisoners she could see losing their fights. She had to focus.

It felt like they fought for hours before they made it back to where the portal would be opened. She flipped on the device and ushered all the prisoners through, instructing them to keep their arms above their heads to show they were no threat.

Just passed the fleeing prisoners she could see more guards and infected’s, coming her way. There were also council members, black-robed creatures who performed the experiments and the ones who had taken her back the first time she escaped. As she watched them approach she quickly made a decision and as she pushed Iat and Api through the portal, she closed it in front of her. Cutting herself off from her home. She turned to face the fight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have completely changed my mind on how I want this story to end, so I apologize for how long it took me to get this chapter out and how short it is. I will work hard to get the next chapter out faster.

The Sinking feeling in Maggie’s stomach grows as more beings come through the portal that aren’t Alex. She steps forward when a blue alien carrying a blue child walks through knowing its Api and Iat.  She looks past them in time to see the portal snap shut behind them. She moans at the physical pain the sight causes.

“No!” Maggie jumps at the shout. She turns to see Kara rushing to where Api and Iat stand, both looking to where the portal had been, with the same dismay as Kara and herself.

“She was right behind us,” Api says quietly looking at Maggie with wide eyes.

“She was with you?” Kara asked seeming to calm slightly.

“Yes,” Api nods.

“Can you still sense her?” J’onn asks as he approaches.

“Faintly. She is still alive that is all I know.”

J’onn nods and motions for a nearby agent to take Api and Iat with the others.

“She was probably planning this all along,” Kara practically growls, anger wafting off her.

“We have to get that thing open again,” Maggie finally finds her voice.

* * *

The ground is littered with bodies, but they’re still coming.

Alex just slipped in her last magazine, knowing her real fight starts when the bullets run out.

She had almost changed her mind and followed the others through the portal but knew that if she did, she and the others could be found. She refused to live with that fear. She refused to let Api and Iat live with that fear.

* * *

It was already nearing the three-hour mark since the refugees had stepped through the portal. Three hours since Alex had once again been taken from them.

They were no closer to figuring out how to get the portal back open. But Api and Iat had been reunited with Aedh the beautiful alien that Kara and Maggie had walked in on Alex talking to just days before. Even though it felt like months.

While it had been heartwarming to see the reunion of the small family. Aedh had brought with her the news that the device Alex had was the only one she had access to and even that one was only gotten by Alex stealing it.

“I wish I could help,” Aedh spoke mournfully. “I owe Alex everything for bringing my family back to me.”

“There has to be another way,” Kara spoke as she paced restlessly.

“She’s hurting.”

Everyone’s heads jerked to Iat who hadn’t spoken the whole time.

Api kneeled in front of his son, “You can sense her still?”

Iat nods, his large green eyes filled with tears, “She’s scared.”

Api pulled his son into a hug, he looked at his wife, “I didn’t know their connection was so strong.”

“At least we know she’s still alive,” Maggie grasps on to the meager bit of information.

“But for how long?” Kara asks darkly.

* * *

She had been no match when the bullets ran out. Grossly outnumbered she had been quickly subdued. She found herself back in the experimentation room, sprawled on the familiar cold hard table that she had become accustomed to while being held captive. But for once it's exactly where she needs to be.

The room they were taken to for their tests just happened to be where the portal was controlled, as well as the power source to the compound. During her many times in this room, she had observed a large pulsing orb in the center. The higher ups, the ones doing the experiments, seemed to be sustained by it. She had watched many times as they stood near it in groves as they “fed” off it.

She had taken a chance in hoping they wouldn’t just kill her on the spot. But one of the things that made her captors so brutal was their love of watching their prey suffer. She had banked on the fact they would want to make her suffer. They, however, had not banked on her being Alex Danvers.

She had had free reign over the DEO armory while preparing for her mission. So as the guards who had manhandled her onto to the table stepped away she had pressed the switch in the palm of her glove and her equalizer had slid into her hand.

She couldn’t even remember the name of the device, but she remembered its lethalness well. She had used it on many occasions, on opponents who were much stronger and nearly indestructible.

The device was alien and when discharged into a body, it would nearly instantaneously break down that body on a molecular level.

Her captors are more than worthy opponents. Their outright brutality making them a force to be reckoned with. But their biggest flaw is their cockiness. And that was something Alex was well versed in taking advantage of.

They had roughed her up. She was bloodied and hurting but that was something she had become accustomed to, and the adrenaline coursing through her kept her determined.

When they had tossed her on the bed, they hadn’t bothered to restrain her, no longer seeing her as a threat. As soon as the opportunity struck, so did she.

The instant she touched the device to the first guard he dropped unmoving to the ground. She quickly rolled off the bed grunting in pain from the hard landing. She takes out three more guards from under the bed with quick slaps to their legs.

A guard is eventually able to grab her leg and yank her out from under the bed. She easily turns once clear of the bed and grabs his arm, barely rolling out of the way as he falls where she was just lying.

She ignores the pain in her leg as she jumps to her feet while pulling another device from her vest pocket. This one isn’t as advanced, but it is just as deadly. It's also alien in nature and makes a grenade look like a harmless firework.

She has to be fast. Once the bomb is armed she only has seconds to get out of the blast range. There are still guards in the room, but they seem wary to approach her, despite the growled commands of the higher-ups.

Eyeing up the target and taking from every ounce of training and luck she’s ever had she makes her move.

She dashes toward the orb while activating the bomb when she was close enough she attaches it to the base of the orb, her arm tingling from the proximity. She’s only vaguely aware of the aliens around her freezing in shock. But she doesn’t hesitate as she bolts out the door and ducks behind a wall with only seconds to spare. She had chosen this particular bomb for its ability to do a massive amount of damage, but with a small blast wall.

She felt the explosion in her chest and the shudder of the wall she is leaning against. She watches in fascination as the guards who came to check the commotion start to stagger and then drop where they stand.

She’s not sure how long she stands watching as they all are eventually on the ground all unmoving. The compound is completely quiet. Still. The only sound is her labored breathing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter. Thank you for your patience. I hope you enjoy.

They had been working for 12 hours. Twelve hours since the portal had snapped shut. All ideas on how to open it had been dead ends. And despite Iat still having a connection, everyone was losing hope.

Iat was now curled on the floor between his parents sleeping peacefully. Maggie envied his child-like innocence despite what he had been through.

Maggie was sitting against a wall with Kara, who was sitting motionless beside her. Lena was on her other side after forcing her way into the facility, silently holding her hand in support. The mood was dire as agents wandered around aimlessly. Even J’onn seemed lost as he paced in front of them.

They all jumped, startled when Iat suddenly jumped to his feet and rushed to where the portal had been.

Everyone watched in shock as the portal opened and a bruised and battered Alex limped through. She gave a tired smile to Iat and Api who is standing right behind his son.

Maggie felt frozen in place as the others all rushed forward, all talking at once. She took in Alex, who looked on the verge of collapsing at any second, and nearly overwhelming the feeling of relief at seeing Alex OK, was the feeling of anger.

When Alex finally met her gaze over Kara’s shoulder Maggie finally stepped forward, “I’m glad you’re OK,” she grated out before turning and walking away without a backward glance, not even when she heard Kara calling her name.

When she burst out the door to the hidden parking structure she was finally able to breathe. While she had been so worried for Alex she hadn’t been thinking about anything but Alex’s safety. But now she knew Alex was safe all she felt was anger at being left worrying again.

She knew the first time Alex had nothing to do with. But this time Alex had chosen to stay back and put herself in danger. It was different when she had done it while working for the DEO when she had a full team for backup.

Maggie couldn’t help but feel anger. Anger at Alex’s complete disregard for her own safety and her complete disregard for how her family would be affected by losing her after just getting her back.

“Maggie?” she’s brought up short by Lena yelling her name. “Are you OK?”

Maggie scoffs at the question, “I don’t know,” she looks around the parking structure realizing she doesn’t have her car. “Can you please take me home?”

Lena seems surprised but she simply guided Maggie to her car and then they were off without a word after Lena had sent a quick text to Maggie assumed was Kara.

The ride was made in complete silence. Maggie stuck in her own head. She had turned down Lena’s offer to walk her to her apartment, knowing that Kara needed her more right now.

It felt like it had been days since she had set foot in the apartment but in actuality, it had been less than one. Her gaze drifted to the bathroom door where just the night before Alex had made promises to get them back on track and then today she had taken it all away. She dropped wearily on the bed staring at the ceiling as her mind raced.

* * *

Alex knew as soon as she had met Maggie’s gaze she had ruined everything. She had seen the pain as plain as day in Maggie’s eyes.

“Alex are you OK?” Kara’s concerned voice brought her out of her thoughts. “Do you need me to get a doctor?”

It had been less than an hour since the doctor had left, telling her she was lucky and only had bumps and bruises and a sprained ankle.

“No, I’m sorry, I was just lost in thought,” she smiled at Kara who was sitting in a chair beside the bed with her hand as close to Alex’s as it could be without touching it. Alex could tell she was worried but trying hard to hide it.

Alex knew she had been selfish to put them through what she did, but she hadn’t been thinking about them at the time and she wasn’t sure if she liked what that said about herself.

She covered Kara’s hand with her own and her eyes filled with tears at the relieved sigh Kara released as she gently closed her hand around Alex’s.

“I think I’ve lost Maggie,” Alex’s voice broke with emotion.

“No. She just needs time to work through some things. A lot has happened in a very short period.”

Alex chuckled, “That’s an understatement.”

* * *

**_A MONTH LATER_ **

Alex looked in the mirror. In the month after the portal accident, she had gained back a bit of weight making her look a bit more like she did before she disappeared. She had gotten tired of her long and matted hair and shaved it all off, much to the surprise and delight of Kara who took great pleasure in rubbing her hands over the soft fuzz that was now her hair.

When Alex had gotten permission to leave medical two days after walking out of the portal for the last time she had come home to a Maggie-less apartment. Kara had told her that Maggie was just staying with Sarah while she figured some things out. After not having heard anything from Maggie for a month she figured Maggie wasn’t coming back.

She knew that Kara talked to Maggie occasionally but respected their privacy. Alex had filled her time trying to heal and spending time with Iat and his family.

It had been a long drawn out process in making it to where she was no longer legally dead. Thankfully her connection with the DEO had made the process relatively painless. Every time they spent time together J’onn asked her about coming back to work for the DEO, but Alex wasn’t sure if it was what she wanted any more. She had had enough violence the last several years, to last a lifetime and she wasn’t sure if that’s what she wanted anymore.

She still always had to be armed and had several backups hidden around the apartment. She wasn’t sure if the hypervigilance would ever go away. Even now she tensed as the door burst open.

“It's just us,” Kara announced, carrying four large pizzas and several plastic bags. Lena entered behind her empty-handed. She greeted Alex with a warm smile.

“That smells amazing,” Alex is practically drooling. When she’s hungry enough she can nearly out eat Kara now.

“It's from that new place downtown. I’ve heard good things about them,” Kara set down the boxes, wasting no time in opening one and cramming nearly the whole piece in her mouth. They lapsed into easy conversation as they ate.

It was over an hour later when Kara heard a commotion and left out the balcony door. Alex and Lena continued their conversation.

It was several more hours later after Lena had already left that Alex got a text from Kara saying she was OK, but Alex needed to get down to the hospital.

Alex was filled with dread as she rushed her bike through the city. She rushed through the doors and easily found Lena, Kara, J’onn and Sarah all sitting dejectedly in uncomfortable looking chairs. She could tell Sarah had been crying and her hands were stained red.

“Is it Maggie?” she asked even though she already knows the answer.

Kara stands and takes her hands, “There was a robbery and she got caught in the crossfire. She was shot several times but was wearing a vest. But there was a bullet that grazed her head and one that hit her in the thigh. She was asking for you.”

It was a lot to take in, “Where is she? I need to see her.” Alex could feel the panic rising.

Kara squeezed her hands, “There running tests on her head. They’ll come to get us when we can go back.”

Alex nodded as she was ushered into a chair.

She has no idea how much time passed before a doctor finally comes out and tells them that Maggie was very lucky to only have a concussion.

“We’ll give you some time,” Kara says when they're given the OK to see Maggie.

Alex hesitates at the door before finally knocking and walking in. The room is dim, the only light is coming from a small lamp near the head of the bed. Alex can’t help but smile at how much the bed dwarfs Maggie’s small frame.

As she walks further into the room Maggie slowly and carefully turns her head in her direction, Alex sighs in relief when Maggie smiles.

“You’re here,” Maggie says her voice rough.

“Of course, I am. Sounds like you had quite the adventure,” Alex kept her voice quiet.

Maggie chuckled but grimaced for the effort.

Alex gently took Maggie’s hand in her own. Maggie gasped at the contact and held on to Alex’s hand tighter.

“I was so angry that you could so easily leave me again,” Maggie confessed into the silence.

“It's not going to make it any better, but I didn’t go back thinking I was going to stay behind,” Alex looks down and starts to play with Maggie’s fingers. “I just couldn’t fathom the thought of Iat having to worry about them coming back to get him or his father. And they would have. Like they did me.”

Maggie is nodding slightly, “I can understand that.”

“I’m sorry I put you through that. I meant what I said about wanting to get back to how we were,” she sighed as a tear slid down her cheek. “I want us to be together. But I also understand if I ruined that.’

“I can’t be second to your suicide missions.”

Alex flinched at the words.

Maggie continued regardless, “I know its part of your job. It is mine too, to a point.”

“I’m not going back to the DEO,” Alex interrupts.

Maggie seems confused briefly before finally asking, “What?”

“I can’t handle the violence anymore. I don’t want that to be part of my life.”

“But you…”

“I’m not who I used to be. I can’t be that person anymore,” Alex finished with a shrug.

“I don’t know what to say. What are you going to do if you aren’t a DEO agent?”

“I have no idea but, I’ve been talking to Aedh about advocating for aliens. My connection to them has given me a special knowledge that could come in handy as a human advocating for less fortunate aliens.” Alex looks down self-consciously, “I haven’t really worked out any details but it’s an option.”

“You would be amazing at that,” Maggie is smiling bigger now.

“I know I don’t deserve it at all. I know you deserve better than this,” she gestured to herself. “But I would like the chance to prove to you that I’ve changed. I want us to work. I mean if you’re even interested anymore,” she may be being presumptuous.

“You know I’m interested. I love you.”

Alex can’t help her bashful smile. Moving slowly, she places a gentle kiss on Maggie’s mouth.

Maggie places a hand on the back of her head deepening the kiss before pulling away with a contented sigh, “I’ve missed that so much.”

“Me too.”

“We’re going to be OK,” Maggie says after a minute of just gazing at each other. And then she chuckles, “I gotta say. I am loving this hair,” as she rubs her hand over it briskly.

 

THE END


End file.
